OOH it’s party day! Actually it’s a little sad. The main reason for the party is that Becky and Karl are moving to the outback of Wales, probably never to be seen again. And Jenni will be going back to Uni in a couple weeks...

So I’ll be all alone and friendless

Boo!

I’m in the middle of making myself look beautiful presentable. Yes I know the party isn’t for another 4 hours, but, if I want a lift, I have to leave at 5!

It’s quite a difficult task. This getting ready to go out thing, First of all.. my hair. It’s being a bitch. Yesterday, it was nice enough, so why is it misbehaving today! It’s gone all big and frizzbally. Might run the straightners through it later.. and burn my hand and ear off.

It’s happened before!

Next, for the last week I’ve been really spotty. It’s not fair! Just as I started a diet and am feeling pretty healthy after my walking more than usual, I get punished.

Do bodies do this on purpose to spite you?

Well tough, you’ll be sorry Body! Planning to consume lots of alcohol and eat lots of crisps. So there!

So, while Winamp is playing some utter shite, I’m trying to find something to wear. Do I wear something glamorous? or go for the casual look?

Probably something in-between will be the best thing to do.

Apparently, Zidane will be at the party. I’m so looking forward to meeting him. *cough*

Freddie was invited too, but he’s been banned from being in my company after fighting with Olof Mellberg in my bedroom. They’ve both gone to Sweden anyway, for a bonding session. OK, actually they’ve gone to play football.. So I have an excuse for Freddie not being there.

So if you hear of yet another dressing room punch up or training ground scuffle. Blame me.

I wonder what excuse Zidane has..?

I’m also wondering if I should go buy some food and drink. Or a present even..

mmm... Buy 1 get 1 free Doritos...

Yes i'm bored. and as i've read EVERYONE'S blog tonight. I came across this and decided to give it a go.

1. What is the first thing people notice about you? "That girl likes her biscuits!"

2. Name 3 things you couldn't live without? food, music and a good book

3. If we gave you £500 to spend what would you blow it on? Computer upgrades, new graphics card, new mobo, new CPU.

4. Who makes you smile? My Blogfriends. aww.

5. What was your favourite childhood holiday? That one at Haven, where I sung!

6. Tell us about your best friend. Jenni Zidane? Oh OK, She's 24, like me, and loves Arsenal and political spaghetti. She has her own other reality which is very similar to mine but not quite as populated. She doesn't like worms. She has long brown curly hair and dark eyes and is very very very very strange...

7. Describe your most vivid memory? Vivid memory.. hmm the only one that springs to mind is on my 3rd or 4th birthday and I came downstairs for my presents and they were scattered over the dining room floor. I eagerly opened each present and when i was finished, my mum removed a sheet covering something at the back of the room. It was a shiny red bike with stabilizers and everything! I went towards it.. And trod on a bee or wasp.. I've never cried so much in my life!

8. What's on your internal Jukebox at the moment? I've been humming Stepping Out all day.. (Thanks EthelRed!!)

9. What headline would you most like to read about yourself? "Freddie Ljungberg Ties The Knot!" obviously, I'd be his Bride..

10. Describe your bedroom. It's got yellow walls and light brown carpet with pine cupboards with green panels. Lots of clutter but very tidy. Have a pic of me and Jenni with The League Trophy and FA Cup. and a Davor Suker print above it.

11. What leaves you tongue tied? When i've been caught out telling a fib! Or i'm brought into a spaghetti conversation!

12. What's the best lie you've ever told? I convinced Zvone once that I had a medical condition that means my poo disintergrates inside me so I don't need to expel it from my body.

13. What keeps you awake at night? Being too hot or too cold.

14. What's your nickname? Cazza or Cartlionel.

15. Who does your washing? Mummy...

16. What are your three essentials for a good night out? good friends, conversation, unloud but good music.

17. What's the strangest thing you've ever put in your mouth? Erm... I won't go there. I wanted to know what my bubble bath tasted like once!

18. Who would you like to be for the day and why? Good question. I'd like to be little again and be the Arsenal mascot. That would be cute..

19. Who was on your bedroom wall as a teenager? Peter Andre....!!! Later on, Emmanuel Petit.

20. Which famous people dead or alive would you like to be stuck in a lift with and why? The entire French squad from 1998. Yes, including Zidane! (We could gossip about Jenni!)

I’ve just made a throaty groan of “I’ve got nothing to Blog!”

So, my mum has just said “OOH! Tell them my 40 year old sewing machine has just broken!”

So.. there you go.

Serves me right for spending yet another day doing nothing in particular..

Actually, I did do something a bit constructive today, I applied for another job. This one is on reception with the Crown Prosecution Service. Sounds dull, but it’s a job. It pays money. That’s all I want for now.

Tomorrow I am going to a party! (Woohoo!) Finally.. something fun that involves me getting off my arse.

Me and my family drove to Zagreb last night, apparently it was a 45 minute drive away. I wish I knew that while I was still going out with Zvone, it would’ve solved a lot of problems!

Anyway.. Mum and my sister wanted to look at the boats. (?) and I was left to my own devices pretty much, so I sms-ed Zvone and we met up in his lunch break.

And kissed. Thanks. Stupid head. Luckily, I had the sense to back off and say "No!".

Then Mum and Jess came back and said we had to go home now as we didn’t want to get a parking ticket!

So, I was in Zagreb for 2 hours and was home in time for tea.

One day I’ll have a dream that actually makes a tiny bit of sense!

I took these little pictures from my window. Aww it's a woodpecker and it's baby. So cute.

I don't usually get to see stuff like this due to being a referee but if I zoom in close with my camera.. they usually fly off just as I catch a glimpse the unthoughtful little !

This is my 100th post. it only took.. just over 3 months.. not bad not bad..

So to celebrate, here are some gifts for some of my favourite people!

To Ros: Thanks for leaving me my first comment. I didn't forget those translations you asked for.

"That Zagreb twat pulled Freddie's shirt!" = "Taj zagrebacki kreten je povukao Fredijevu majicu!"

"You muppet, lino!" = "ti lutko, lino!"

Oh and here is a pic of Marat:

To AJ: You were my first official blogfriend. awww! Have some Keira Knightley.

To Mymah: Forget about CR17, he's not worth it. Have some Kaka and Cesc instead!

To TeaLover: Aww you're soo sweet and you like Sawyer. What more could I want?

To ViEiRA: Thanks for telling me about this loovely place oh and being my bestest friend ever

Mum and Blokey are going to Corfu on Friday.

I bet they have a whale of a time fighting like cats and dogs...

So, party at mine at the weekend!

(not really...)

I’ve been thinking of the 10 things I’d like to do before I kick the bucket and have got out this book I was given a few years ago for my birthday.. It’s called “101 things to do before you die”. I seem to have only done 1 or 2 things in it.. it’s quite cool as it allows you to tick things off and mark it so you can almost use the book to document the best parts of your life.

Not all the things are good though, i.e. It suggests you get arrested, run out of a restaurant without paying etc etc...

On the other hand though, some ideas are pretty good.

Write a best-seller
We’ve all tried this haven’t we? I tried to do a series a la Sweet Valley High when I was about 12. It sucked. I wrote 1 chapter...

Win an award, a trophy or a prize
I won an Ed-The-Duck advent calendar when I was little. It was a competition in Fast Forward magazine!

Throw a House Party while your parents are out
Sadly, I’ve always asked permission first! I was such a well behaved teenager!

Be part of a threesome
This is a common encounter in my other reality. *cough cough*

Ride the world’s biggest Rollercoasters
I didn’t fancy riding that big one at Blackpool, especially as it crashed the day after my Dad rode it. I’ve done Nemesis and Oblivion at Alton Towers and a few others.. But very sure there’s scarier ones. Bring ‘em on!

Own a pointless collection
I got my collector’s badge at Brownies for collecting badges. Now, I collect computer games. Well.. it seems like it considering I have about 150 of them!

Get backstage and get off with a Rock God
Does Enrique Iglesias qualify as a Rock God?

Go up in a hot air balloon
Something I’d love to do. I might even crash on the Lost island and meet Mr Sawyer

Sky Dive
No thanks

Stay in the best suite in a five star hotel
Aah. We were going to do this, me and my ex. Just for one night, stay in the poshest room in a Four Seasons hotel. We never did Boo!

Play a part in your favourite TV show
I could be a patient in E.R. and allow Dr Kovac to help me recover..

See (exotic creatures) in the wild
I’d love to see a Panda Bear, they’re my favourite..

Be friends with your Ex
Me and my ex are great friends so I’ve done this one wooo!

Complete a coast to coast trip across America
I’ll be doing this in the next 40 years with Ros

Take part in a police line-up
I was very tempted to do this when I was at Uni. It looked like easy money. But I forgot about it soon after the leaflet came through my door.

Make the front page of a national newspaper
Well, my sister was on the front page of the local paper last week.. not in the main headline but on those bits at the top. Why? She went to a party! I think it was a slow day for news..

Invent a word that makes it into the dictionary
Jenni and me were talking about this the other day, but I can’t remember the word we were talking about!

That’ll do for now! Here's the full list (just about readable!) if you want to share experiences.

My domain now points to here.

http://www.cartlionel.co.uk

Sad and geeky, why didn’t I think of doing this before?

Oh and I’ve tidied up some of my post tags, they were getting messy and I don’t like messy.

Just another morning in Caroline’s house then? It’s a good thing I’m easily amused...

So what delights have I been up to today?

Nothing, nothing at all.

I got up about 11am, sat around in my pyjamas until I was told to “Go have a shower or you won’t get any dinner!”

And since then, I’ve sat here.

Doing nothing.

I played The Simpsons Hit & Run which is amusing until you discover you’re not very good at it. Can’t get past the Bart part. Have to race Comic Book Guy and suddenly you realise that your driving in Springfield sucks.

So turned to Trackmania Sunrise. At least I know that I’m rubbish at that. But it got boring.

I was also listening to the commentary for the Villa-Newcastle game where they decided to inform the world that Mellberg has had a shave and ta-da! has no facial hair and looks 16!

He probably read my blog.

Unfortunately there doesn’t appear to be any clear pics of him from todays game, yet. So I won’t bore you with that. (Awww). However, while searching for a picture, I came across another of him.

Holding a baby girl.

The article it was from was in Swedish. I only know one swedish word and it wasn't in that article so.. he’s attached then.

Pants.

Oh well, he’s still fit, in fact. The naming him ban has been lifted!

Ah sod it, I’ll do a “ViEiRA”
Here's a pic for the sake of it.

I’ve had to keep out of the way today as Blokey has been here since Friday, and as I’ve spent most of that time not at home, I didn’t realise that him and my mum are having disagreements left, right and centre.

All over a holiday. Or, lack of a holiday I should say.

Blokey is very scrooge-like and refuses to go over £250 as payment for the holiday, and I mean. If it will cost only another 20quid, he’s not interested.

This is someone who probably earns £250 a day!

My mum was not happy.

They spent all Friday and Saturday night on the internet, looking at all the holiday sites, but he poopoo’d every destination for one reason or another.

During the day, they went around all the travel agents and, according to my mum – and I’ve seen him act this way myself – He really laid into the poor staff by being a demanding bossy, uncaring bastard.

I’m glad I wasn’t with them, I have no time for that. I’d just say “Look here! You’re going to the South of France and you’re damn well going to enjoy it! OK?”

But I was too busy jumping on football shirts.

Today, they’ve been bickering, and later on having a heated argument discussion in the living room.

I’ve just sat here wishing I wasn’t really...

In the end, he went home a day early, although they've been on the phone to each other since about 9pm repeating everything that was probably already said today anyway.. *sigh*

We went back to the woods today. Guess what no one had stolen? Sheva shirt was still hanging amongst the brambles. Woo!

Unfortunately, zero damage had bestowed itself so we still had the problem of a very clean and fresh shirt.

How hard is it to semi destroy something?!

So, we laid it down in the mud.

And jumped on it.

Then, feeling very daring, and we hadn't even started drinking yet! We dragged the shirt home, through all the dirt, grass, leaves, gutters..

Did we pass one single person? No

We probably would've been sent to a mental asylum anyway.

Now the shirt is spending the night in the compost bin.

Friday:
Sevilla won that Super Cup thingy, The guy who scored the penalty, Enzo Maresca was very very fit and I thank him for removing his shirt. Can't find a pic at the moment (Oh, how terrible! You all say.)

EDIT: Thanks mymah!

I'm still obsessed with that Villa defender. He will now be known as Bastard. Unable to discover if he’s married. Villa play Newcastle on Sunday, I hope Newcastle spend a lot of time in front of goal. More Bastard to view! Damnit!

Jenni and I sang “Sheva was a friend of mine” while eating cheese on toast.

Blokey is buying a crap PC and asked for my opinion and then got all defensive when I said it was rubbish! Why ask??

I've lent Becky my Henry shirt (She's a Villa supporter!) until it actually fits me.

I’ve had to leave negative feedback for a buyer. Except, they didn’t buy anything. Hence the neg. People like that should be hung!

Saturday:
We walked about six miles to a pub that would show us the Arsenal game. That was a waste of exercise. We lost. We can’t shoot. Actually, I am determined to attempt to watch football matches this season, even if I am seeing yellow and blue dots bobbing around a pitch chasing an invisible ball.

Karl’s got it spot on, Make a human size ball and give the players double human size padding. Preferably semi-transparent padding.

I ate garlic bread. I am a bad person.

Still obsessed with Bastard, I lost a bet and now have to pay the consequences, or pay worse consequences tomorrow. My mind hates me.

I tried to counter-act the thinking of Bastard by thinking of Freddie. It wasn’t that successful.

Jenni fell asleep at about 10pm. Bless her.

It was one of those days.

No, I’m not posting about a scamming pyramid scheme!

A while back, my sister came over clutching a green box to her chest. “Can you put some music on this for me?” She asked,

It was only a brand new iPod Shuffle!

At this point in my life, I didn’t even own an mp3 player so I was a bit pissed off.

Especially as she didn’t pay a penny for it! It was a prize at work for being “employee of the month!”

I asked if I could have it, but she said "no!". Hmmph.

Being a good sister, I put some songs on it. What I should’ve done is gave it a dashing of cheese, Adding Bob the Builder and Westlife. I didn’t think of that at the time

So she happily took away her posh new gadget and it wasn’t mentioned again until about 6 months later.

“I need some new songs on here!”

Now, if it were me, I would change the songs more often, This was a definite clue that the iPod was being under-used.

During those six months, My friend had bought me an mp3 player, It wasn’t a “9000gig iPod” (His words not mine!) but it was neat, So I was happy with it. And I didn’t really consider the Shuffle much of an upgrade so I ceased being the “iPod demanding little sister.”

Now, my mum recently signed up for a job-search website as she is looking for a new job half-way up the country. A couple of weeks ago, she received a phone call from them to tell her she had won a promotional prize for being a member.

Guess what it was?

That’s right, an iPod.

As some of you may know, I bought myself a better player a couple of months ago, Not a 9000gig iPod mind, but a 6gig player with a radio and stuff. Very classy piece of kit! I gave my old one to my mum. Who hasn’t used it, mind.

So since my mum has won this thing, Me and my sister have been thinking up reasons why one of us should have it. My sister thought that she should have it because her under-used player is “rubbish” and she can’t afford a new one and Caroline shouldn’t have it because she already has a nice one.

My argument is that I’m her favourite daughter who doesn’t cause her so much grief and deserve a gift. And then I can sell my player and we all benefit from having an mp3 player we didn’t pay for.

Neither of us thought that my mum might actually want to keep it!

Then Blokey said, Actually, you know. I quite fancy an mp3 player.

My mum was ready to toss a coin or something!

Luckily it came today. It’s an iPod nano 1gb model. Cute but not worth fighting over.

She’s going to sell it on eBay.

We’ve decided to subject the shirt to numerous dangers and then send it to Sheva at Stamford Bridge.

First: Feeding time.
The shirt was scrunched up in a ball and covered in bread on Jenni’s bird table. We then sat in her living room watching all the birds land on her bird table.

Not one landed on the shirt. As her mum objected to an overnight birdtable stay, we reluctantly removed it after an hour or two.

We may put it on the roof of the birdtable tomorrow as the birds seemed to find that a good spot to hang out.

Second: Alone in the woods.
We decided to bury the shirt in the woods for the night. Her mum, spoilsport, said it probably wasn’t a good idea to dig holes in the woods so instead we took a walk there and just gave it a huge throw into the brambles. If no one else discovers it before tomorrow, we’ll retrieve it.

Tea Lover gave me the idea to look this up and here it is, My favourite TV Ad ever, mm.. chocolate...

I woke up with a start this morning, I suddenly remembered that I still possessed this!

Need to destroy it, but how?

I was allowed to watch the Arsenal game tonight without too much fuss, and surprisingly, my mum seemed quite interested in it, although she didn’t actually watch. So, armed with some leftover (6) Liquorice Allsorts (Don’t slap me), I settled on my beanbag to watch the game.

The first few minutes were pretty scary, our defence seemed to like kicking the ball within inches of Dinamo’s advancing strikers. Luckily that stopped after we were 1:0 down. Well, I did let Zvone have one goal so that was OK. Just no more!

Van Persie was amazing, He amazes me a little bit more every time I see him play.

So we managed to not do anything too stupid for the rest of the game, i.e. concede goals, we just couldn’t actually score any either.

Then disaster struck. The picture went funny, and then nothing. No picture, no sound.

So there I was, frantically channel hopping to make sure that our TV didn’t just die. Thankfully not, but on the other hand, I was missing football! The entire country was missing football! NOOO! Nice ITV (!) apologised and then the picture came back, but still no sound, and no score in the corner. What did we miss??

Oh, we only missed a goal.

An Arsenal goal

Scored by Freddie.

The one in the captain’s armband...........

For fuck’s sake!

That’s it, just take away the highlight of my week, I don’t care.

Oh well, they showed the replay eventually, but it’s not the same is it?

And we could go a little easier on whoever broke it as Freddie talked afterwards. Tra la la la...

Oh and Chelsea lost. That’s enough to cheer anyone up, unless you’re a Chelsea fan of course. If so. Haha! Go away. You’re not welcome here!

Aah maturity...

Don’t you just love it when you do something on a bus that you’re not meant to? Like snort with laughter, for example. I did that today, thanks to an SMS from Jenni. For the rest of the journey, people kept looking at me oddly, which set me off again, The SMS wasn’t even that funny! But I couldn’t wait to get off that bus! Bah...

The bus goes down the road where I used to live and while I was staring out of the window, it suddenly occurred to me that pretty much every other house along the road has had an extension since we moved. Luckily our house hasn’t been too drastically remodelled, but I am sure it will join the club sooner or later.

Anyway, the final destination was the Jobcentre and today the ball really got a rolling in the job searching. A meeting was arranged with a woman from WorkBridge which is an organization that helps people with disabilities find work. I’ve met this woman before and am not entirely sure if I made a good impression with her or not. I got the feeling that she thought I was slightly childish, which I’m not. (Well not in those situations, anyway!) I’ll make sure I’m all prepared and organised for that, (It’s in 2 weeks) just in case she wants to play practise interview or something.

I was supposed to meet Margaret at the Jobcentre as we sign on at the same time, but, can you believe it!? She got a job! Honestly, I am so pleased for her! She’s so lucky! She’ll be working at, you’ll never guess. She’ll be working at Training! It better not be some really easy job that I can do, or I’ll be getting my claws out!

I've also found a job that I'll be applying for tomorrow. It's a miracle...

So, Arsenal are playing tonight, should be an easy game, I highly doubt Dinamo will beat us 4:0. Zvone thinks otherwise, but what does he know? I told him, Dinamo can score one good goal against us but that's all!

It’s raining here:
ME: I hope it’s raining in London.
MUM: Why’s that?
ME: Because, then all the footballers will be drenched!
MUM: That’s disgusting!

Maybe she’ll watch with me?

I doubt it.

While watching the Liverpool game tonight, Me and Jenni's family each compiled a nice completed season league table. Here's mine, Jenni will surely post hers when she's next online.

Arsenal
Portsmouth
Aston Villa
Man City
Charlton
Newcastle
West Ham
Watford
Everton
Fulham
Wigan
Middlesbrough
Reading
Sheff Utd
Blackburn
Liverpool
Bolton
Chelsea
Tottenham
Man Utd

If that happened... ooh.. Excitement!

Now, It's REALLY bedtime!

I bet I lost at least six quid in postage today. Now they’ve bought out these stupid new postal prices, A CD now costs £1.09 rather than 47p or whatever it was. Oh and I was served by the slow woman who took.... 20 MINUTES to do 7 parcels.. aah I was soo annoyed as thought I was going to miss the bus to Jenni’s.

I purchased a new paper shredder today. It actually shreds stuff.

I was accused of being an ‘Indian Giver’, and spent the rest of the day trying to find out what the hell it means. Jenni didn’t know, her sister didn’t know and the accuser just told me to “Look it up, you lazy sod!” Such polite SMS messages I receive.

Apparently it means that I give someone a present and then ask for it back. I didn’t. I just informed the recipient of a present that I wasn’t able to send it yet. Honestly.. You be nice to someone (who is usually mean to you anyway) and that’s the thanks you get. Well that’s OK, I don’t like you either, Ploppikins

There was a cute guy (yank speak according to Ploppikins) on the bus today, He looked like Michael Ballack. But nicer. And not scummy. It was an amazing sight to see as such creatures are a rare breed where I live. But he must've been lost. I mean, he had an accent and was fit. I said that didn't I..

A new cure for hiccups was discovered. Always a useful thing to know as I get hiccups at least 3 times a week! Stick a spoon on the back of you neck. Works for me!

This trick was discovered while playing simulated sex games with spoons (yes, we were bored) PoK came along (a knife) and spoiled the moment between spoon Me and spoon Freddie. *sigh*

A new suspect in the Sheva kidnapping whistle blowing bastard case is Shaun Wright Phillips. We also may have discovered how our guards became so drowsy, The Tango in Jenni’s kitchen tastes suspiciously unTango like. Maybe it’s been tampered with?

Some legal shenanigans went on in our garden (communal grass) but more about that some other time when I actually understand it, It’s a bit spaghetti like.

A bit like Jenni’s commentary to the Liverpool game today, trying to teach me the politics of Israel while there was a green number 19 who was very fit running around the pitch. Not the best time dear.

There never is a best time, I know. Lalala Spaghetti.

It’s a Swedish word you know.

Yes, that Swedish guy is still in my head. Go Away, Mellberg! You’re not welcome! We’re only 55% compatible!

I got 97% with Aaron Carter. Why??? He’s only like.. 12!

And that’s my day, bizarre as usual. I have to go to bed soon. Tomorrow is an early rising day.

Yuckity.

5 Things You Wish You'd Never Done
1 Written lovey emails to this guy I used to like.
2 Let some eBay seller get away with sending us a shoddy excuse for a trouser suit and then telling us "well what do you expect on eBay!" When we complained.
3 Gone to Uni/or left Uni/or stayed at college another year/Yeah I messed up probably woo!
4 Discovered I like eating lots.
5 4 is enough!

5 People You Have/Had A Crush On
1 Henrik, from a camp I went to.
2 Stein Erik, from a camp I went to. (Yes it was a fun camp!)
3 Owen from primary school.
4 The barman at a pub we used to go to.
5 A long list of football players etc...

5 Places You've Had Sex Kissed Someone (Changed cos N/A atm)
1 Outside Highbury
2 On the back seat of a coach
3 In the Cinema while watching Scooby Doo.
4 Crouched behind a car in a London back-alley
5 Back of the car while my mum was driving (I SAW THAT!)

5 Songs You're Embarrassed To Admit You Own/Like
1 Most of my mp3 collection is embarrassing as I have no idea what will play next.
2 That Bratz, Rock Angels tune.
3 James Blunt. He's not bad.
4 Enrique - shouldn't have got rid of that mole!
5 Will Young, Very talented.

5 Fantasies (can be sexual or non-sexual)
1 Sharing a pic n' mix with Freddie.
2 Wishing my two realities would swap places. Just for a while!
3 That I’ll wake up thinner one day. Or, they'll invent artificial tastes so a carrot can taste like chocolate.. yeah...
4 Drying off Paolo Maldini after a torrential downpour in Milan.
5 Someone giving me 15grand to pay off my student loan.

The real Arsenal played like the Pro Evo Arsenal in my league at the moment, i.e. they don’t shoot much. I know, I know, I should’ve posted this yesterday, but I was very busy being a tidy upper and anyway, my mind was somewhere else. It was in constant thought of a certain Swedish footballer.

No... Not that one.

The one at Villa.

Before you ask, No. The thoughts were not about torturing or kidnapping him. In fact, I don’t know what they were about at all. It was just “OOH MELLBERG! You’re so annoying but why do I like you?”

I mean, we could look at the pros and cons here; except I can’t think of any pros. Cons are quite huge, He doesn’t like Freddie, Freddie doesn’t like him, He scored against us on Saturday, He’s in dire need of a shave...

Maybe he’ll bugger off to Chelsea or ManUre or Spurs this week? That will be a 200% turn off and life can resume normally.

I can live in hope!

Oh! Here’s a pro: He has a nice accent. Woo!

Going to go shove a hosepipe into my ear and wash out these really bad thoughts...

My mum hasn’t been here since Wednesday night, she had a job interview up in Leicester so, when she’s away (lots lately!) I have to play housekeeper.

Except she’s due home in 5 hours and I haven’t done anything.

Her laptop is slow. Although I’ve told her that it’s slow cos it’s about 6 years old and she needs a new one, she asked me to reformat it. I’ve done that, but I haven’t loaded anything onto it yet, like MSN or Office. (that’s all she needs really... Boring...)  I just went to the Linksys site to get the driver for her wireless card.  There’s about 5 million different models. Great.  No internet for her then.

I should also:

• Clean the bathroom. - The sink has changed colour
• Go to the shop for drink and yesterday’s paper. - I'm thirsty and need a job.
• Thoroughly dust and hoover my room. - Apparently, One can write their name in the dust!
• Lightly dust and hoover the other rooms. - They were probably done more recently, ie Tuesday.
• Load the whites into the washing machine. - I'd like to wear underwear tomorrow.
• Wrap up more eBay parcels. - Don't like negative feedback.
• Water all the plants. - Hopefully it'll rain so God can do that job for me. Bless.
• Take the rubbish out. - Um, cos otherwise it'll be hanging around for another 2 weeks!

All I’ve done so far today is woke up, showered, got dressed, did last night’s dishes, Opened yesterdays post, read blogs, played Boxikon and spoke to my sister on the phone.

Oh and I spent ages looking for a potato, found one eventually and cooked it. I’m planning to mash it although I think it’s one of those ones you’re not supposed to mash.  I also have no idea what to have with the potato….

I’m rubbish at living alone!

OHH GOD! I’M SOOOO EXCITED!

Yes, today is the start of new Premiership season, and, of course, I’ve been looking forward to it, but I woke up this morning and was just.. a little hyper.. OK! I’m literally counting down the minutes here! It’s odd as I’m not usually like that on season opener day!

Last 2-3 seasons, I haven’t really taken much of an interest, I’d watch the occasional game or Match of The Day but, I don’t know. I didn’t feel like a fan, just someone who took a passing interest if nothing better was going on. But, luckily the World Cup fizzed me up again and now I’m.. well, I’ve already said, bouncing off the walls in excitement!

The only bad thing is that Sheva and the garage hostages at Jenni’s house have managed to escape. So unless we discover how they managed to free themselves and have enough time to rekidnap them, They’ll be playing tomorrow.

Stupid Chelsea. Hope they get relegated this season

...Who isn't watching the stupid Big Brother final tonight?

I just called my mum and she told me to call back later. ie, when Big Brother wasn't on! Charming!

I’m so lazy, I didn’t get out of bed until 1pm despite the fact that I’d been desperate for the loo and needed a drink of water since about 10am..

I then spent the entire afternoon and evening curled up on my bed with Jenni. (Not like that, no!) and Freddie the dog, listening to music. Yes, we talked about Zidane. We also planned tomorrow’s activity. Kidnapping Sheva.

My phone is set up with my PC as a remote control so we didn’t even have to move when a crap mp3 came on. God, what a waste of a day!

But it was fun!

And we didn’t eat chocolate, and it was still fun!

Actually, we had a couple of biscuits each, and I learnt that the new biscuit barrel that was recently installed in our kitchen is really difficult to open. Probably a good thing as it has HobNobs in it.

I had to go to the post office again, and was served by Mr Fit and Gorgeous. I nearly swallowed a five pound note. Other than that, it was a pretty smooth visit.

And I didn’t stop at the Tesco next door for sweets.

I also discovered today that I think I’ve been conned for the 2nd time on eBay. Fantastic. A seller who I bought a game off of over a week ago is now “No Longer Registered” And isn’t answering my emails. Great. That was a waste of £9.

I had to go to the post office today to post about 12 parcels. This is usually quite an adventure. It’s only a small post office and as I’ve been going there about twice a week since 2003, I know the staff but one can’t help but feel they mutter “Oh no! It’s her with all the parcels, AGAIN!” Every time I walk through the door.

There’s this old-ish lady with glasses who sounds very cheerful until I say “Hello! I have 583 parcels to send today!” And as time goes by and the pile of packages becomes smaller and smaller, more and more sighs are placed into her conversation. (Her conversation being “sigh, that one will be 78p. Sigh). I hate being served by her, She is. So. Slow. And completely ignores the Certificate of Posting I just spent half an hour filling out saying “Oh, you know, we print receipts now!” Yes, well, stamping my certificate of posting is a lot quicker than printing 500 receipts you stupid

There’s also this old bloke who is a little more friendly, He always asks “Are you going back to University yet?” To which I always say “No!” so you would’ve thought he’d got the message by now. He also pretends that my packages are extremely expensive to post and he’s giving me a huge discount for being such a frequent customer. He owns the post office so he’s probably scared that without my business, He’ll be closed He just stamps my certificate of posting without even checking it. Yay! Speed! Then he ruins it all by telling me about the train videos he’s currently selling on eBay…

Then, of course, there’s the fit and gorgeous guy. Unfortunately, this is when I’m the one to ruin the smooth operation by dropping my purse, banging my head on the stupid chip & pin machine on the way up from retrieving the lost purse, forgetting that the parcel he’s just finished stamping up actually needed to go recorded delivery and.. etc etc…

Today I was served by the Scottish woman. She’s very nice, doesn’t make a fuss and is very fast. I was in and out in 10 minutes. (Not having to queue helped). Why can’t she serve me all the time!

By the way, the postage costs are all rising changing on Monday. Whoop!

Bye bye Doritos
Bye bye M&Ms
Bye bye Choccy Fingers

Alright Alright! Bye bye Pringles/Haribo/Pizza/Ice Cream/Prawn Crackers/Garlic Bread etc etc.

That was easier.

Today I started to diet. No junk. During the World Cup, a lot of the above stuff was consumed and as a result, I now weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my entire life (I’m just guessing here as I’m too scared to stand on the scales right now but I’m pretty sure it won’t be good).

This will be diet number 183 of my lifetime but for some strange reason, I feel more prepared for it this time than at any other time in my existence. Usually, the thought of having to cut out all the nice stuff from my food intake sends shivers down my spine, but not this time. Maybe I’m fed up with being a food junkie (ooh I like that phrase!) but this time, I don’t feel anything, I might even milk it a little and say I feel a little glad about it.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Bridget Jones like and obsess over whether I’ve lost any weight in the past 24 hours. But if I ever mention anything made of chocolate or anything you consider BAD for a dieter to consume in a context which suggests that I ate it, feel free to slap me.

Oh and I’m also going to actually step outside my front door at least once a day for a nice brisk walk. Unfortunately, I think this is going to be harder than saying goodbye to my Lidl Cracky Snackys...

But anyway, Wish me luck!

Ooh Look! I’m at number 5!

I’ve never even seen myself in the top 20 but it seems as soon as I post an addictive game, some soft pornography and a rant about Anti-Piracy, People just swarm here.

I think it was the nipples that did it.

Definitely the nipples..

There won’t be any more.

Sorry.

I just sat down to play a new game I received today. I eagerly took off the cellophane wrap and opened the case.

The inlay inside was not a manual,
Nor was it an advert for another game or a product catalogue.

It was an anti-piracy leaflet.

Thrills.

Now, surely if I buy a game/DVD/CD whatever, then aren’t I the wrong person to give this leaflet to? It’s almost as bad as getting penis enlargement junk emails in your inbox when you’re female.

Don’t treat me like a criminal if I buy something! Bah!

I don’t buy pirate DVDs. There are better ways to get those. So there!

OK, now I’m off to actually play the game, which I’m not going to name as I fear I will be laughed at.

Well not quite, The Croatian newspaper, Vecernji-List, have a section entitled- well i'm not entirely sure of it's name! But, basically it's a man or babe of the day. Very occaisonally, (3-4 times in the past year) I've had the honour of picking the man

So far I've chosen Enrique Iglesias, Robert Pires, Shayne Ward (it was topical at the time!) I've not chosen Freddie as he's already been used "countless times!" apparently. (I've only seen him once!)

Today I got to pick again.

Ta-Da!

I hope i didn't make the entire city of Zagreb mad!

I suggest using the back and forward arrows, as there are many treats stashed there!

Oh, and for the guys, The women are here.

Can you beat my high score? 873!

Yesterday was fun. I got woken up at 11am (don’t tell me I’m lazy!) by my Dad, he appears every now and again with no warning except to say “We’re at your Nan’s, wanna come out for a meal?” So I went out for a meal with my Dad, his wife, my sister and my nana. I don’t like to, it’s awfully dull but I also don’t like to pass on a free dinner. It’s rude isn’t it?

I already had plans to spend the afternoon with Jenni and I was seriously considering giving my Dad an earful about messing up my weekend but thought better of it. I don’t want him to think I actually give a damn or anything so I arranged to meet Jenni later on.

We went to a pub called the Fisher’s Pond but upon seeing not 1, but 2 other tables send back their awful meals, we decided to move onto the Queen’s Head instead. I had a lovely pasta dish in cheese and mushroom sauce, about 5 bottles of Smirnoff Ice and heaps of garlic bread and onion rings. Dad and his wife kept a steady conversation going about their ‘more exciting than ours’ lives and we all listened and nodded in the right places.

Thankfully, it was all over pretty quickly and I could get on with the rest of my interrupted day. Hopefully, the next spoilt day won’t be until Christmastime!

1. Your name spelled backwards:
Enilorac

2. Where were your parents born?
Mum was born in Winchester; don’t know/care where my dad was born.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Um... Flatout 2...

4. Have you ever been in a school play?
I was Circe in that Ulysses Greek thing.

5. Type of music you dislike most?
All that gangsta rap shite that plagues us these days. Also growling animal metal music. Otherwise I'm easy.

6. Are you registered to vote?
Yes

7. Do you have a car?
That would be practical...

8. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
No

9. Ever prank call anybody?
No

10. Ever got a parking ticket?
No

11. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Not even if you paid me.

12. Furthest place you ever travelled?
Scandinavia

13. Do you have a garden?
Communal grass is a better term for it.

14. What’s the size of your bed?
Single until I move out, then I’m treating myself to a huge nice double posh thing.

15. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Unfortunately, Yes.

16. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Every morning, night too if I feel dirty. *ahem*

17. Best movie you’ve seen in the past 4 months?
Don't think I've seen any in the last 4 months! Crikey!

18. What’s the next movie you want to see?
No idea, What's on?

19. Have you ever broken any hearts?
Only when playing Hearts.

20. Are you a good cook?
Sure, what do you want, Cheese on Toast or Scrambled Egg?

21. Orange or Apple juice?
Apple everytime!

22. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with & where did you go to?
Mum and the L person, we went to a pub somewhere on Wednesday night.

23. Favorite type of drink?
Soft Drink, Fanta or something. Alcoholic, Something colourful from a bottle

24. Best thing in the world?
The world is pretty neat.

25. Have you ever broken a bone?
2 toes. They're still broken now.

26. Have you ever won a trophy?
Don't think so

27. What is your favourite board game?
Twister!

28. What is your dream car?
A red one

29. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
er NO

30. Coke or Pepsi?
Yuck to both of them

31. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Not yet.

32. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Cough medicine. Waste of money really but I was DYING!

33. Who would you like to meet?
Guess.

34. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not experienced it but have an open mind.

35. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
About 4-5. Whether they all still fit is unknown.

36. Last song stuck in your head?
That bloody ZZ song! Damn you, Jenni!

37. Any pets?
Not at the moment

38. What is one thing you would like to learn to do?
Talk to people without going the shade of an arsenal shirt would be nice.

39. What do you do when you are bored?
Fill out these stupid things.

40. Bacon sandwiches – should they have bread or toast?
Bread IS toast! But hmmm both sound yummy.

So, Freddie was made Sweden Captain yesterday. I always said he wasn’t captain material but if Sweden-land want him as their captain then fun for everyone! I would’ve blogged this ‘pointless to everyone except me’ news yesterday but um.. Freddie liked modelling his shiny new armband for me so.. Yeah, I didn’t get near the PC for ages

When my mum came home from work I told her the news.
ME: Guess who’s been made Sweden Captain?????
MUM: I don’t know, (annoyed voice) You know I don’t know the names of football players..
ME: Well.. this one is on my wall!
MUM: Oh, you mean Peetay?

When Petit becomes the Swedish skipper, I’ll eat my socks. (I don’t have a hat).

Here is a conversation that I’m pretty sure will happen in the future, You know, when I (finally) get around to introducing Freddie to my mum.

ME: Mum, this is my boyfriend, Freddie.
MUM: Oh hello Peetay, Are you still the Arsenal goalkeeper? You’ve had your hair cut, You don’t look like a gorilla any more!

I started a new game. It’s called Still Life, So far, It’s pretty good, and I’ve only had to resort to hints 2-3 times. I think it’s because my adventure gaming is a bit rusty and I don’t have a lot of patience. I like how the main female character looks quite similar to my original Highberg Legacy Sim.

I had to fill in Jobseeker reclaim forms today. Why don’t they make these things just a little bit easier? Some of the questions were written so badly that it’s a surprise that anyone has actually ever managed to fill one in 100% perfectly. Maybe they haven’t. Also, the fact that there’s so many different sections that are unattached to each other is pretty confusing. Nevermind, I just ticked boxes, they can go through it question by question tomorrow.

I ate a lovely pasta meal from Lidl called Funghi. Now, I guessed that Funghi must be Italian for Mushroom but still… it’s not the most appealing name!

I bent the cover of Jenni’s Nick Hornby book. You saw it coming surely! It’s Freddie’s fault, He was moaning because my bed-sheet was all untucked and I didn’t realise the book was still on the bed when I played “Let’s remake the bed!” What a baby…

I picked up hard-backs of the first 3 Harry Potter books at the car boot sale. I also got Escape from Monkey Island for 10p! Tomorrow, I plan to go around all the charity shops in town, Didn’t do that for ages.

Some 14 year old Italian boy (I’m assuming) beat me 9:1 on Pro Evo. I’ve decided never to return to online play until I can actually beat the computer by at least 5 goals at level 4 star. Never then.

Translation for Caroline has become a popular phrase in Eastern Europe.

It’s bedtime now, I have to get up EARLY tomorrow. Don’t like...

That was pretty easy. I wasn’t looking forward to the Dinamo Arsenal game because I have a soft spot for Dinamo and as most of our team couldn’t play tonight and the fact that Dinamo fans are so.. LOUD!! I was pretty scared. I am glad we only scored 3 goals though as I didn’t want to thrash the pants off them 4 would’ve just been mean. The highlight of the evening was obviously Cesc opening his mouth and sounding coming out. Mmmm…

I predicted a 1:2 score but I prefer the real result much better!

Me and Zvone have been mean to each other all day. He sang songs over ICQ just to be annoying.

I Naprijed Plavi Lavoooooooooovi
Bodre Vas Vasi Purgeri
I Znaaaaj Da Volim Dinamo
I Znaaaaj Da Volim Dinamo
I Znaaaj Da Volim Dinamo
I Znaaaaj Da Volim Dinamo
Znaj Da Te Volim Dinamo Ja
Jer Ti Si Ponos Hrvatskog Naroda
I Neka Cijeli Svijet Zna Za To
Ja Volim Samo Dinamo
Ja Volim Dinamo!!!!
Samo Ti Dinamo Sampione
Zivot Dat Cu Za Tebe!
I Naprijed Plavi
Pjesma Se Ori
Bodri Vas Cijeli Stadion
Tisuce Srca
Sad Za Vas Kuca
Jer Dinamo Je Sampion!!!!!
Aleee Aleeeee

We spent the rest of the afternoon translating it.

Do You Like Napping On The Toilet?
Having A Greasy Burger
Loving Zidane And Dinamo
Loving Zidane And Dinamo
Loving Zidane And Dinamo
Loving Zidane And Dinamo
Snot On Dinamo
Do They Sell Polos In Narnia?
Cluedo Cluedo Cluedo
Yay Dinamo Lovefest
And Again
Lets All Play The Saxophone
Cats And Dogs
Nutty Meringue
Oral With Pletikosa
Oh No There's Bodies In The Stadium!
Triple Circle Man!
Sad Cookie

Following this, we had a massive debate about the Pletikosa line but that’s going off the subject somewhat so...

Jenni says we really really should’ve gone to Croatia today. I am starting to wish we did We could've sung our new song, We hate Dinamo..

Yay, Blokey is here! You'd think they'd wait a LITTLE bit longer after their fight to kiss and make up wouldn't you?

As usual, I've taken a back seat in being a member of the household. Hope Jenni rings soon so I don't have to miss the Robert Pires match on Channel 5. (I don't get a glimpse at the TV while HE's here.)

I also don't get a lie-in. He doesn't seem to be able to close the bathroom door quietly (or flush after he's used the toilet). He also must be going deaf as I've heard every word of Big Brother since 9am and I've not even been in the same room as him! Thing is, My mum also talks A LOT LOUDER when he's here and I'm trying to not get out of bed.

When he arrived yesterday, I started my barrage of witty, immature insults cos I'm still pissed at him about what he did to my Mum last week but he knew just how to turn me into a nice, sane person, He started talking about Morrowind. He knows I like that.

Bastard.

I went over to Jenni’s yesterday. Before I left I promised my mum that I’d set up the printer as shareable from my PC so she can print from her laptop. (I forgot to re-set it up when i reformatted).

Jenni answered the door in her radioactive bogie outfit. Actually it was her new and shiny ASDA uniform. They really don’t appear to be so… blinding while you’re actually IN Asda buying your bread and ice-cream.

So we spent the next… 90 minutes(!) discussing Jenni’s endless daydream of her and ZZ’s future. She seemed to have skimped on important details, i.e. where they went on Honeymoon, what she served at the Vieira dinner party, how fast her PC was when she was 40 years old, whether she still blogged, whether Zidane blogged, whether the Earth had been blown up yet. You know, the really important stuff that makes or breaks a story! Actually, the world blowing up was not something we discussed. Maybe next time.

Thankfully, by this point, the radioactive bogie outfit was replaced with normal clothing and we played this STUPID game that, apparently EVERYONE has played except me. You write your name and the name of the one you love on a piece of paper and then count up the number of L O V E S in the names, do a load of mathematical stuff to them and get a chemistry percentage or something out of it. Basically, a load of complete nonsense crap but it was still cool until I finished playing and discovered that me and Freddie only got 14%! :’(. Replaying with our FULL full names made us 95%. Much better. Much more realistic!

For some reason (any excuse), we started to talk about chocolate. (Oh I think we were discussing what I preferred Freddie to and decided that “Breathing” was a bit extreme.) So chocolate it was. We wandered over to Tesco – I danced around every lamppost we passed - to see whether Wispa bars still exist. According to their wide shit selection, they don’t, so we seized the opportunity to buy a two small large bags of peanut M&Ms.

Jenni made dinner while I tidied up the mess we seemed to have made and dinner was very nice, a lovely pasta thing with garlic bread. Somehow I ended up with both ends of the garlic bread which was a tad unfair.

We then started on the M&Ms. Jenni wasn’t too keen on my idea of M&M juice, putting some M&Ms in water and giving it a swirl, probably because part of the packet had “mysteriously” jumped into the glass as well. She didn’t mind it without that ingredient though. It wasn’t anything special however, just sweet water that matched her Asda Uniform.

When I come home I asked my mum if she’d printed out what she needed to print.

MUM: No, it still doesn’t work.
ME: Yes it does. Did you switch on my PC? As it’ll only work with my PC on, as you know.
MUM: No, I didn’t know that.
ME: Yes you did. It’s been like that for years!
MUM: Oh well. It didn’t work.
ME: Did you even switch the printer on?
MUM: No….

Bless her!

How do people do it? They buy a new book, read the book, and it still looks new! No bent spine, no finger marks all over the cover, no sneeze marks on page 218, no-dog eared corners.. Now, when I read a book that’s in pristine condition, it is almost guaranteed that it’ll suffer from all those things plus more besides.

Jenni once attempted to lend me her mum’s copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and I refused to take it exclaiming “Has anyone actually READ this book?!” She told me her Mum had read it so had she. This book was smooth and new smelling and, well she could probably resell it at retail price if she’d so desired.

Just lately, I’ve lent her a couple of my girlie books, Rescuing Rose by Isabel Wolff and Rachel’s Holiday by Marian Keyes. Both books look like someone has gone over them with a pair of semi-sharp scissors and then put them in the tumble dryer for 4 hours followed by a nice fall from the top of a multi-storey car park. The book she lent me, the new Nick Hornby book, is - of course - in the same shape as the aforementioned Harry Potter book. I didn’t notice this until I actually started to read it a few days ago.

I’m about half way through and trying very very hard to not make it look like what Blokey’s copy of the Da Vinci Code now looks like. (I bet he won’t want THAT back! The front and back of the spine have been mis-aligned by at least a foot!)

So, what do I do to keep books looking so nice? I’m gradually learning to not use the book I’m reading as a substitute for a handkerchief or a hand. To not leave it open and face down on the floor when I’ve finished my current reading session (and then, obviously not treading on it a few hours later.) It’s probably also not a good idea to use it to catch the drips of gravy and/or tomato sauce that drip off food while I’m eating dinner. In actual fact, books shall now be banned during that time of day.

Oh well, at least it’s a good book. I love how Jess doesn’t like difficult words and how she compared one of the reasons of her wanting to commit suicide to a bowl of spaghetti!

My PC is now fresh and clean for the first time in about 8 months, surely a record for me!  I'd been having a few problems that were gradually getting more and more annoying as time wore on and it decided to go all slow and errory the other day so i figured now was a good time to wipe the slate clean (literally) and start again.

• I couldn't install anything that used those MSI installer things. it never finished properly.
• Bluetooth was screwed. That was Jenni's fault. having to email her 50 pics off my phone surely isn't something it likes.
• Automatic Windows Update left my PC sometime in March.
• My mp3 player stopped being recognized as a Portable Media Device.
• It took ages to shut down.
• There was a left over folder from some program I uninstalled that wouldn't delete.
• I dreamed it became infected.

So as you can see, the geeky perfectionist was a bit fed up with it.

Everything seems to be working OK so far but then I am yet to install a lot of essentials, You know, Winamp, The Sims, Pro Evo, AutoInsult.  THE ESSENTIALS

I was chatting with Jenni on MSN earlier and she thinks it's highly strange that I have 10 different programs installed on my computer. I then reeled off a list of the ones I am still to install! Hah! I can't help it if I have to have 200 programs on my PC that do lots of stuff!  The conclusion we both came to was that I am SAD.

Or maybe not. I can't be the only person who has so many programs they couldn't live without.. surely.

To the person who tagged one my posts "has no life".  You are correct

We have a laminating victim volunteer. Actually, it took a lot of coaxing. I asked Zvone if he'd like to be laminated and, bless him, he didn't know what I was on about! So, after showing him the picture of the laminator, he got all offended and shouted "YOU WANT TO CUT ME?" "THAT WOULD KILL ME!" Poor bloke thought it was a paper shredder or something. Once I corrected him, he became quite excited to become Mr Plastic Man. Who is going to be kind enough to carry out the lamination?